Comedian Jay Mohr Helps Reveal Key to How to Stop Bullying Now

Last night I had the pleasure of sitting down with comedian, actor and sports radio personality Jay Mohr to talk about the book, "Bullies Suck", bullying, martial arts and more. (No pun intended).

While Jay has made himself into a success in Hollywood and his personal life – he is happily married to TV personality Nikki Cox and has two boys – he hasn't been captured by the trappings of success when it comes to his attitude and personality. He is a genuine, down-to-earth guy who you can tell appreciates everything he has and all he has gone through to get where he is in life.

Jay and I talked about everything, both on the air and when the recorder was off. Jay and I are similar as far as we are both hyperactive with attention spans like four-year olds, so it would be impossible for me to share everything we talked about; there is one point that came up that I DO want to make sure you hear right now, because it is a key to how to deal with bullying and also a key to Jay's success.

Jay and I were talking about some of the things I wrote in the book when Jay told me (with a big smile), "I kept looking for the part where you were going to tell me to just kick the bully's a@#." We both laughed and I told him that the last chapter was about "Doing what you have to do" when the time comes, but I said to him that what was more important was not "beating up" a bully, but having the willingness and ability to face the fear of standing up to a bully. Facing your fears is the toughest thing any of us will ever do in our lives, from childhood all the way to the end.

Jay shared his story about facing your fears when he talked about getting bullied over and over as a kid. He said he used to go to school with that pit of nerves in his stomach, how he used to sneak out the side door at lunchtime to avoid the bully, the whole deal. He said he was terrified of fighting, getting hit or beat up, until one day he said, "That's it. I'm not taking this anymore." He said the next time the bully picked on him, he fought back. Afterwards, he said he remembered thinking to himself, "That wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be. I am not afraid of fighting or getting hit anymore." He then went on to joke that he wished he would have learned that sooner, so he could have gotten into more fights, which would have justified his bad grades.

He never had problems with that bully again.

I would argue that Jay's ability to stand up and face his fears when it came to bullying is the same skill he used to get started in comedy, acting and radio and become successful. Having the ability to believe in yourself, believe you are strong enough and believe things will work out for the best is what makes you unstoppable. Jay even revealed that about himself while we talked; he said he was the kind of guy that was always positive, things are always good, things happen for a reason and the reason is all good. He said, "That's just the way I am wired…"

That statement right there is KEY. In his mind, how he sees himself and what he believes about his world automatically sets himself up for success and to be strong in the face of fear or adversity. Jay is a stand-up comedian, so he can be in front of hundreds or thousands of people and have his show go sideways, to the point where the crowd turns on him, starts to boo, etc. Can you imagine how his show might go or how he felt about himself if he did NOT have the mental strength and beliefs that he does? It would be a disaster.

How you think about yourself, how you face your fears and how you respond to challenges shape your life. Like a muscle, you can develop and make these "skills" stronger, which is why I wrote about how to develop these skills in the book, "Bullies Suck". Just like exercise, if you can learn these mental workouts and do them a little bit every day – and then apply them in your life – you will be surprised at how strong you can become mentally and emotionally.

Standing up to bullies when you are young is no different than facing the butterflies that come with asking the girl of your dreams out on that first date, making your first big purchase, getting married, having a child, taking on big surf for the first time, getting into your first sparring match or anything else that pushes you beyond your comfort zone and scares you.

The more you do it, the more you take power away from the thing that scares you and empower yourself.

Face your fears – it is never as bad as you think.

Stay Strong, 

Sensei

P.S. – The podcast will be available on Jay's website, jaymohr.com next Monday, July 15th. You can also find it on iTunes if you search podcasts for "Jay Mohr". WARNING: NSFW language and other sensitive topics are discussed, so parents should listen without their kids present.

P.P.S. – Jay loved the book, especially the fact that it was a literal "How-to" guide for bullying, and also that it had something for adults, kids, cyber bullying and more. If you haven't gotten a copy yet, you can get one HERE on this site, or you can go to Jay Mohr's website, click on the Amazon banner and then look up the title, "Bullies Suck".